women who dont put out

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When girls don't put out!! This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

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smiley 9.3 PG13

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 54,478 times

categories: men, women, relationships

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showing 1 - 30 of 30 discussions       sort by: newest

0 thumb down thumb up
by Emma E. last year

I like that, at least the guy proves smarter the the gal

Reply to Emma E.'s comment
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by Alice D. 1+ years ago

Hahahaha. Remember boys, this can be held against you too!!!!!

Reply to Alice D.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by Kira M. 1+ years ago

Am I the only girl who would've laughed if this had been me?

Show 1 replies to this comment

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by Rachel and Marcus <. 1+ years ago

i hate when guys do that but i think its funny as hell when it dont happen to me (:

Reply to Rachel and Marcus <.'s comment
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by Meliora F. 1+ years ago

Yay! Misogyny is funny!!!lol

Reply to Meliora F.'s comment
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by j r. 1+ years ago

Oh damn dude! he turned her own thing against her! thats what she gets!..Mac G is right!

Reply to j r.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -2 thumb down thumb up
by Symphony A. 1+ years ago

Personally, I think this is a little offensive, but thats me-this is hilarious anyway!

Reply to Symphony A.'s comment
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by Mac G. 1+ years ago

Ah Kharma's a bitch nice dude halarious

Reply to Mac G.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -1 thumb down thumb up
by Marie D. 1+ years ago

ha

Reply to Marie D.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -1 thumb down thumb up
by Dirson Eduardo J. 1+ years ago

Great, more than a joke this is a nice lesson!!!!!

Reply to Dirson Eduardo J.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Betachief117 .. 1+ years ago

Finally a man won an argument with a women. Finally!

Show 1 replies to this comment

+8 thumb down thumb up
by Abigail S. 1+ years ago

If I was that girl,you wouldn't live to tell the tale. you'd be right next to the other one.That's why I have a beautiful garden.

Show 1 replies to this comment

+5 thumb down thumb up
by Dave M. 1+ years ago

ahhhh thats good but realisticly, that guy would have gotten decked on the spot and prolly have no sex with this chick until new years eve

Show 1 replies to this comment

[below viewing threshold, show comment] -1 thumb down thumb up
by thomas h. 1+ years ago

nice ive heard it b4 but it doesnt get old

Reply to thomas h.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -1 thumb down thumb up
by meredith m. 1+ years ago

haha awesome! smart guy!!

Reply to meredith m.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by Harmony H. 1+ years ago

If I were a girl, I would get seriously annoyed and slap you.

Show 1 replies to this comment

+5 thumb down thumb up
by Dusk S. 1+ years ago

As much as I would enjoyed doing that, I don't think it would be worth it once the bitch slap comes.

Reply to Dusk S.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -22 thumb down thumb up
by Arun M. 1+ years ago

Nice!! Put that cunt in her place.

Reply to Arun M.'s comment
+6 thumb down thumb up
by frankie c. 1+ years ago

nice but i would have punched you so hard your destist would have felt it then broken up with you (if i was a girl)

Reply to frankie c.'s comment
+4 thumb down thumb up
by Destiny Ann d. 1+ years ago

nice but i would have decked you dude

Reply to Destiny Ann d.'s comment
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by Lucas T. 1+ years ago

outstanding

Reply to Lucas T.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Tina S. 1+ years ago

I'm not letting my man read this one LMAO

Reply to Tina S.'s comment
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by katrina g. 1+ years ago

nice one.

Reply to katrina g.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by Brittany P. 1+ years ago

so funny

Reply to Brittany P.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by Adam S. 1+ years ago

hahaha nice. this made my day

Reply to Adam S.'s comment
+5 thumb down thumb up
by tonya y. 1+ years ago

as a woman i even have to say bravo!!!! it takes 2 to be a couple!!!

Reply to tonya y.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by Brett M. 1+ years ago

Take that you schizo prude!

Reply to Brett M.'s comment
+18 thumb down thumb up
by Duke A. 1+ years ago

I'm finding the guy who wrote this and building him a shrine.

Show 1 replies to this comment

+4 thumb down thumb up
by bradley h. 1+ years ago

thats a quality joke

Reply to bradley h.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by Lucas A. 1+ years ago

Aw, that's great!

Reply to Lucas A.'s comment
CH23G_women who dont put out

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