More Quotes

Why are all women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to atract men? Men don't like flowers. I wear a scent called "new-car interior" -Rita Rudner

I had my identity stolen a few months ago, and my credit actually improved. I'm dating now, have a new car. Life is good -Steve Morris

A new computer virus is going around. Office workers everywhere will now be forced to play solitare with real cards -Craig Kilborn

You marriage is in trouble it your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing" and you can't remember what it is -Milton Berle

About a month ago, I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I got really depressed because it was like, Damn, I am less nuturing than a desert -Demetri Martin

The problem is that God gave man a penis and a brain, and only enough blood to run one at a time -Robin Williams

Michael Jackson is the spokesperson for the poeple who cut off their noses to spite their face -Dennis Miller

You know you're getting older when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work -Joan Rivers

I called a discount exerminator. A guy came by with a rolled-up magazine -Will Shriner

You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts -Jeff Foxworthy