A guy walks into a bar with his turtle in his hand. The bartender takes a look at the turtle and sees that its all scrathed up, duct tape on its shell and a brace around its neck. The guy takes a look under the bar and sees that the bartender has a springer spaniel. So the guy says to the bartender, "I'll bet you $50 that my turtle can beat your dog in a race." The bartender looks again at the beaten up turtle and says, "Look, man, there's no way! That turtle doesn't stand a chance." But the man insisted and the bartender took the bet thinking it would be an easy $50. The guy counted down from 5, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." When he yelled go, the bartender realsed his dog right as the guy chucked his turtle at the wall.
Guess who won the bet ;).