The rules

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Men’s rules for women We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. And now for my answers.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down. Ok I can make peace with this but if you forget to lift it and pee on the seat I will not be held responsible for my actions. So clear it up.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! If you want any nice presents then you had sure as hell better get me one – and not last minute from the petrol station.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Fine, this works both ways.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Sunday and sports = sulking or an unhappy me, this is also like the like the full moon.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. I didn’t know about this one I shall bear it in mind but it needs to be cut or it will not look nice any more – I do not have a team of hair dressers at ,my disposal. I will cut my hair. Live with it.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. Fine then neither is watching any sport on the telly – you are not part of the team, sitting doesn’t count.

Crying is blackmail. Yes. It helps us – deal with it.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We do!!!!!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. Again we do!!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? If you choose – and well – then we will leave sooner.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Then prepare for an argument, we need to discuss.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. You had better learn to tell us that we aren’t or don’t think that you will ever get luck again. In fact telling us we are fat or even not answering the question (which means that you think we are fat by the way) then you may not live a full life.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Now you’re learning.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. We will do both. You will follow the instructions – the way we want it done is what we want done.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Fat chance.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. There are no new countries to discover we just want to get to get to our destination and not four hours late.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. This also applies to sex.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. If its scratching then we will slap it. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. Time to start making the effort.


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submitted: 1+ years ago

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categories: insults men, women, relationships





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Submitter's Comments

by Charley P. 11/09/07 08:35 AM

Just me

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