Job application

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This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT COULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

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smiley 8.8 PG13

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 33,342 times

categories: work, school

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joke

User Comments Add Comment

showing 1 - 10 of 10 discussions       sort by: newest

+1 thumb down thumb up
by emma l. 1+ years ago

WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to emma l.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by tessa p. 1+ years ago

oh yeaaa

Reply to tessa p.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -4 thumb down thumb up
by a. l. 1+ years ago

DONT CLICK THIS LINK!!!! http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?qsi=26090183

Show 3 replies to this comment

+4 thumb down thumb up
by -1 -. 1+ years ago

Funny! The more jokes I read the better they get.

Reply to -1 -.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -3 thumb down thumb up
by Erin K. 1+ years ago

there's another one just like this... only it wasn't a senior.

Reply to Erin K.'s comment
0 thumb down thumb up
by Winry R. 1+ years ago

Lmfao! xD I like this guy, he's funny :D

Reply to Winry R.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Adam J. 1+ years ago

Lmao that was the best one ive seen so far!

Reply to Adam J.'s comment
+4 thumb down thumb up
by reagan a. 1+ years ago

hehehe, this is amazing.

Reply to reagan a.'s comment
+5 thumb down thumb up
by Sophia K. 1+ years ago

i hope this is true coz it made my week!! i love it.

Reply to Sophia K.'s comment
+4 thumb down thumb up
by Jessika G. 1+ years ago

Haha ha ha haha! That is great!

Reply to Jessika G.'s comment
CGRRQ_Job application

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