Essays

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

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submitted: 1+ years ago

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categories: word fun (puns, riddles)

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User Comments Add Comment

showing 1 - 28 of 28 discussions       sort by: newest

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by Daniel R. 1+ years ago

An 8.9? My gosh, that's one of the funniest things I've ever read. Easily a 10!

Reply to Daniel R.'s comment
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by sorry 2. 1+ years ago

haha!! so funny!!!

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by s. f. 1+ years ago

OMG...please do not read with a headache..your head will explode!!! super funny!!! MOE YOU ARE AWESOME!!!

Reply to s. f.'s comment
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by Lily L. 1+ years ago

THIS WAS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Reply to Lily L.'s comment
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by drew j. 1+ years ago

Gods that was hilarious. My favorite is "24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools."

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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by alexis p. 1+ years ago

26. He was blind, which means he cannot see.

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by Pushkin R. 1+ years ago

I think the moelicious is more than one person (after all, he/she submitted more than 2,220 entries).

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+3 thumb down thumb up
by GaGa S. 1+ years ago

lool..that was funny <3 gd work..

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by Emma G. 1+ years ago

lol!! They were funny, really funny!!! ROFLMAO

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by Steven L. 1+ years ago

some of those were funny but not rofl funny.....7/10...................like the cat that fell into the fish tank:D

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[below viewing threshold, show comment] -10 thumb down thumb up
by Naveed S. 1+ years ago

Amazing Funny Videos Amazing Funny Videos Hot Belly Dance Hot Belly Dance Hot Desi Girls Dance Very Funny Pictures Collection Only on >>>>

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[below viewing threshold, show comment] -10 thumb down thumb up
by Naveed S. 1+ years ago

Amazing Funny Videos Amazing Funny Videos Hot Belly Dance Hot Belly Dance Hot Desi Girls Dance Very Funny Pictures Collection Only on >>>>

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[below viewing threshold, show comment] -11 thumb down thumb up
by Naveed S. 1+ years ago
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by -1 -. 1+ years ago

Funny

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by fopthemop 1+ years ago

best joke on funny.com

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+6 thumb down thumb up
by Mary P. 1+ years ago

Brilliant. ;w;

Reply to Mary P.'s comment
+10 thumb down thumb up
by Brandon K. 1+ years ago

I love this joke. I printed it out and showed my English teacher. He was on the floor laughing.

Reply to Brandon K.'s comment
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by Adam J. 1+ years ago

moelicious your awesome!This joke was cool XD

Reply to Adam J.'s comment
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by reagan a. 1+ years ago

this is so freaking hilarious. i had to tell all of my friends this. (: <3 you moelicious.

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by drummer g. 1+ years ago

ok...................... interesting

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by Brad *. 1+ years ago

Lol, I actually laughed out loud for some of these. 10/10

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by Shelly X. 1+ years ago

i love these

Reply to Shelly X.'s comment
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by Haley F. 1+ years ago

oh man, these r great!!!!!

Reply to Haley F.'s comment
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by katie f. 1+ years ago

hahahaha i love these :-D

Reply to katie f.'s comment
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by xnux x. 1+ years ago

i have read this again and again and t never fails to make me laugh.

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by minhaz a. 1+ years ago

its okay

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CGFWJ_Essays

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