This is a twisted, rather demented take on the tale of Jack and the beanstalk. Here goes...
One fine morn, Jack's mother woke him up, thrust their pet duck into his hands and said: "worthless swine! Get off your fat arse and sell this duck at ye olde market; we haven't the many to live!" (It was a long time ago, ok!?)
So Jack merrily skipped down to the market where he met a cheap, taiwanese, transvestite man-hooker (the cleanest in the village, mind!). Seeing as Jack's tastes were somewhat warped, he decided to chat to the he-hooker, who told him that he would gladly accept Jack's duck as payment for a quickie. At this chance, Jack leapt and gave "Suk Yu So Good" (as was his name) the duck in exchange for the most mind-blowing (not just the mind) sex he had ever had.
After the intercourse, Suk Yu whispered in exhaustion: "That was fu kin su pa! You give good head for such small child, Jack-san! Here's tell yoo wat! I give you duck for one more sexy-time!". Jack once again leapt at this chance and made love to the hooker again.
Feeling sexually sated and still in position of the duck, Jack bounded across the street in glee. He did, however, drop the duck and as it waddled and quacked along the road; a bentley splashed it! (A bentley in the dark ages... Fuck it!) The driver, obviously a wealthy man, stepped out and gave Jack £10,000 in compensation.
Needless to say, by the time Jack got back home, his mother was worried sick and when she witnessed his slight limp, tired panting and handfull of cash, she exclaimed (As only a loving mother could.) "Where in the blue hell have you been!? You little toe-rag! What in the festering fuck happened!?"
To this Jack replied in song: "It goes like this: A fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, ten-thousand pounds for a fucked up duck!"
With all that money, they bought lots of shit, Jack married the hooker and had weird, adopted, deformed circus children and his mother developed a cocaine addiction, joined the taliban and blew herself up during training. The owner of the Bentley well... I don't know but it was some kind of happy-esque ending. M'kay? Rate it if you wish, if not.... don't. But I will be hurting you. Yes.
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