10. A guy stumbles out of a bar and vomits all over a dead rat. He thinks to himself, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
9. A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and says, "Beer please, and one for the road."
8. A pile of vomit walked into a bar and sat down and started to cry. The bartender said, "What's wrong?" And the vomit replied, "I'm just sentimental. This is where I was brought up!"
7. So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.
6. A blind man walks into a baar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and proceeds to swing him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."
5. A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head, and the bartender says, "Where did you get that?" And the frog says, "It started out as a little bump on my butt."
4. This guy walks into a bar and has a drink. And he looks in his pocket and orders another drink, looks in his pocket and orders another drink, and so on. And the bartender says, "What are you doing? What's in your pocket?" And the guy says, "It's a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, I know it's time to go home."
3. A man walks into a bar. There's a beautiful woman sitting at the bar, and they sit and have a drink together. She leans over and says, "I want you to make me feel like a real woman." So he takes off his jacket and says, "I need this ironed."
2. A pig walked into a bar, ordered fifteen beers, and drank every single one of them. The bartender asked, "Would you like to know where the bathroom is?" "No," said the little pig. "I'm the little pig that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."
1. A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral. He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional. After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno," comed the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"
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categories: bar, drinking