10. Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: Ninety dollars. Patient: Ninety dollars for just a few minutes' work? Dentist: I can do it slower if you like.
9. A ninety-year-old man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor my wife, who is eighteen, is expecting a baby." The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. And when a bear suddenly charged at him, he pointed his umbrella at the bear, shot at it, and killed it on the spot." The man said, "Impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear." "Exactly my point."
8. The doctor calls up the patient and says, "I have some bad news and some worse news. The bad news is that you have 24 hours to live." And the patient says, "That is very bad news. What could be worse than that?" And the doctor says, "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
7. A man consults a doctor and says, "Doc, I'm suicidal. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Pay in advance."
6. A guy goes to a doctor's office and the doctor says, "I haven't seen you for a while." And the guy says, "I know, I've been sick."
5. A man goes to a doctor. The man has a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor says, "Let me give you some cream to put on that."
4. The doctor calls up his patient and says, "I have terrible news, Mr. Bodin. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's." Mr. Bodin says, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
3. A patient storms into a doctor's office: "Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000! I can't pay that before the end of the month!" The doctor calmly says, "Okay, you have six months to live."
2. Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now.
1. A patient is sitting on the examination table. He says, "Doctor, you look puzzled. Is something wrong?" The doctor says, "I can't figure out what's wrong with you. I think it's the result of heavy drinking." The patient replies, "Well then, I'll just come back when you're sober."
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