1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restraunt in seaworld and ask for bandaids and get mayonnaise
EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
------------------ In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Frito's:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) (Ok, It was supposed to be translated as " to be used for intended use only" basically what it means is don't use your food processor as a wood chipper people. lol)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Hey, I always put on mascara with my mouth closed... who doesn't...?
did he say america IS stupid? no, i think he said it CAN be stupid.
Peanuts are legumes, not nuts. You can be allergic to buts without being allergic to peanuts. But they are generally processed at the same place, hence the warning...
well anyways the jokes really funny even though i can tell you why on a lot of these like do not turn upside down its saying stop turning me upside down and some labels just try and be funny
these comments are funny cause if you bring them all out there more than the joke even is
the reason we can make planes with the same material as the black box is because the plane would be to heavy to fly.
seriously i dont know what u said... and u eat rappers? did did u happen to eat eminems talent?
peanut nutter: warning, may contain nuts........ MAY, as in, it may not. if it doesnt contain nuts.... WHAT THE FUCK AM I EATING?!
You forgot to put that on some brands of milk it says Warning:Contains milk on the label. Hilarious, though! xDDD
very nice. Get rid of that surplus watch, books, car, toaster, sewing machine, or clothes by the selling format of Uploaded.TV. Simply shoot a video of the item that you want to sell and upload it in Now relax, watch your video on real TV, and see how people queue up worldwide to show interest to buy your belonging.
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?--- "a" meaning "without" and "partment" meaning "in a state of being parted." This one makes sense... --------------If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?------- "Con" means "together." Not sure what "Pro" means, but they're definitely not opposites lol.-----------------------A lot of this was funny, i liked it ^_^
Yes, well im sure there are many genital-less people out there threatening to sue the Swedish chainsaw industry for not putting such instructions on their product sooner.
"On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)" Fail. Peanuts are NOT nuts. The label probably refers to the fact that they were probably made in a factory that also produced other products that directly contained nuts or this particular product was a mixture of peanuts and real nuts. Yes I ralize I have said "nuts' about a million times.
It's "poly" with a 'y' that means "many". Also it is a "tick" with a 'k'. Nice try though. It's funnier when you actually get it right.
I love the politics one! "Poli": Many "Tics": Bloodsucking Leeches
lmfao but...some of those 'only in america' also happen here in england and i can actualy do the so called impossible and put mascara on wid my mouth shut...but all in all this was sooo funny 10/10 =D
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. you think thats bad? here in Ireland we put our useless junk in government.
haha.. cool. I didn't think most of it was funny, but the consumer goods labeling stuff was =)
i first section made me stop n think, damn amarica can b stupid, the secound section didnt make that much seance cuz i no y thay do most tof that, and the last section it sooo funny cuz it is dum eat they put on rappers these days.
i like the last one. it sounds like my brother
I read this countless times but the last one still makes me laugh out loud
the first section was funny second, not so funny.. cause i heard some already..=P third was cool/funny. ;)
This was extremely funny and I loved it I am going to be laughing about this all day!
it's an oldie but goodie, because of course it's so true..
the Only in America lines are the funniest! And they are true to "only in canada" too!
ahahaha.....seen it before ONCE but love it =D
only about half of those only in america things could be said of australia only in Australia(i hope)...do we ellect a bloke whose been to a night club
"If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?" sad but true
Lol were learning u.s. history right now i luv the congress prgoress joke
do you know what a black box is made out of?
id just like to say...the same thing happens in australia, so its NOT 'only in america'
Rob, I'm sure I saw your sence of humour somewhere on this site, keep looking!!!
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. SOMEONE COULD BE IN THE BACK SEAT EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? NO BECAUSE IF YOU PASSED MIDDLE SCHOOL BIOLOGY YOU WOULD KNOW Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? BEACAUSE PEOPLE ARE RUSHING TO GET HOME On a bag of Frito's:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? IF SOMEONE ELSE BUYS THE CHIPS AND YOU FIND/GET THE BAG
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