Shave face/pubes Collect hair Superglue to head
Warning: May look or smell odd.
Do yoga for 10 years. Twist shoulders around so that buttocks replaces breasts.
Warning: This has never been tryed before and breasts may smell after certain foods.
1. Simply insert penis inside your vacum cleaner pipe.
2. Once inserted press "on"
Warning: Do not use maximum suction, may cause pain leading to hospitalization and embarrassment whilst medical staff are laughing their heads off whilst treating you. Do not try at home or work. Esspecially work!!
1. Pre heat oven to 60 degrees celcius
2. Cover body with oil.
3. Place self in oven for desired tan.
Warning: May not come out alive, but you will have a to die for tan.\
Angelina Jolie Lips
1. Suspend lips with clothes pegs to desired effect for 1 year.
Warning: May cause bruising and nerve damage.
Disclaimer: Angelina Jolie did not do this.
Younger looking Skin
1. Place self in a human size tubberware container.
2. Keep bumping the edge of the container until you have moved inside of the fridge.
3. Stay in refrigerator for 48 hours(or how long meat usually lasts).
4. Bump self out if still alive.
Warning: May not live
Invite all friends and associates who are thinner than you over for regular dinners. Place 1kg of lard in each plate Flavour with veges and spices. Melt into soup Tell them its 99% fat free which is why you have got so much smaller than them.
Warning: Dont try any of these things at all, esspecially if you are commonly referred to by the following:
Idiot Dumb Blonde Imbecil Airhead Stoner Absent minded - "I accidently tryed it" is not a reason for doing something. Dickhead (Warranties on vacuums do not cover placing nozzle on penises located on heads) Stupid Nit wit Shit for brains "If you pick your nose one more time, your brains will fall out" and you did.
or you are just the type that would do it.
Disclaimer: No one is responsible for taking this fwd seriously. If you really feel this way about yourself break all of the mirrors in your house.