Airplane Problems

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After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

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smiley 8.8 G

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 163,978 times

categories: computer, science, technology work, school

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showing 1 - 29 of 29 discussions       sort by: newest

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by Cynthia W. 1+ years ago

'evidence removed'. can't believe how hard I laughed at that one. and '...set to a more believable level', that was hilarious.

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by Jazsper S. 1+ years ago

Took hammer away from midget. I have not laughed at a joke like this in a long time. Good show sir, :)

Reply to Jazsper S.'s comment
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by Bipin V. 1+ years ago

AS PILOT, COULDN'T HELP BUT LAUGH! IT HAPPENS!!

Reply to Bipin V.'s comment
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by Heriberto P. 1+ years ago

the last three were the funniest! lmao

Reply to Heriberto P.'s comment
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by Roastedzergling D. 1+ years ago

"Took hammer away from midget" OH, THAT KILLED ME!

Reply to Roastedzergling D.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -1 thumb down thumb up
by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by Andy B. 1+ years ago

Absolute gold! Tears running down my face!!

Reply to Andy B.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by salmonella 1+ years ago

This is hilarious, I never laughed so hard. This could easily be the funniest thing on this site. Great job.

Reply to salmonella's comment
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by Elijah P. 1+ years ago

ROFLMAO! Engineers FTW!

Reply to Elijah P.'s comment
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by Rob O. 1+ years ago

I've been reading these jokes for 2 hours and this is the funniest one i've read yet. MY GOD I'm crying its so frickin funny. WTG

Reply to Rob O.'s comment
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by Dirson Eduardo J. 1+ years ago

Hilarious, these people gotta be crazy!

Reply to Dirson Eduardo J.'s comment
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by -1 -. 1+ years ago

ROFL!

Reply to -1 -.'s comment
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by Paul Z. 1+ years ago

LOL! Midget!

Reply to Paul Z.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -2 thumb down thumb up
by Eaimhair M. 1+ years ago

Guess what? I'm not a fag! :) So therefore, Twilight is not for fags. And yes, why did you put that comment there? This is for responses to jokes, surely? Go find an anti-Twilight site and post there, or don't mention it at all. Many of my friends are disinclined to Twilight too, but they don't use such crude and vulgular comments. Grow up.

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by Nikkole S. 1+ years ago

im not sure i know what a midget soundslike. =]

Reply to Nikkole S.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Lynn F. 1+ years ago

lol "DME volume set to a more believable level"

Reply to Lynn F.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Jasmine S. 1+ years ago

idk y, but this tickled my funny bone

Reply to Jasmine S.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Haley F. 1+ years ago

cat installed,

Reply to Haley F.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by Eric M. 1+ years ago

How does somthing sound like a midget?

Reply to Eric M.'s comment
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by TidusXIII 1+ years ago

Lol this is a translation. The original is russian, and you did not translate the last and best one XD.

Show 1 replies to this comment

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by nick j. 1+ years ago

ha ha ha : )

Reply to nick j.'s comment
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by Emily W. 1+ years ago

this is good!!! lol

Reply to Emily W.'s comment
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by ori2008 y. 1+ years ago

lol midget

Reply to ori2008 y.'s comment
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by sam a. 1+ years ago

haha!

Reply to sam a.'s comment
+5 thumb down thumb up
by toni a. 1+ years ago

man, this is so funny!

Reply to toni a.'s comment
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by Frank P. 1+ years ago

cool joke....funny/cool :D :D

Reply to Frank P.'s comment
+5 thumb down thumb up
by Angelica K. 1+ years ago

LOL...this is funny =)

Show 1 replies to this comment

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by Sheila J. 1+ years ago

lol, kinda funny...

Reply to Sheila J.'s comment
CEW6R_Airplane Problems

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