The Top 15 Problems Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Route
15> Forward progress hampered by slow moving white Bronco.
14> Torch commandeered in Waco by over-zealous ATF agents.
13> One *really* pissed off Smokey the Bear.
12> Budget cuts cause torch to be replaced by less-than-dependable Bic lighter.
11> Difficulty getting melted marshmellows off torch after "s'mores" party got out of hand.
10> Running 7 miles before realizing the torch is still on top of the urinal at the last rest stop.
9> First-degree burns to runners unfamiliar with how to "receive the baton."
8> Jim Bob, lying in wait on the outskirts of Memphis with a case of Bud and a supersoaker.
7> Rosie Ruiz takes flame in NYC -- appears0 minutes later in Atlanta.
6> Drive-by goosings.
5> Torchbearers driven insane by repeated playing of the "Chariots of Fire" theme.
4> Torch-jackings in urban areas.
3> Crazed hippie terrorists replace Olympic Torch with new Olympic Bong.
2> Male runners repeatedly get lost and refuse to stop for directions.
and the Number Problem Encountered Along the Olympic Torch Route...
1> Obnoxious drunks who run up and yell, "No, I meant a BUD light!"
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