Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend: I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX: I am impotent
Audi 90: I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 4 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado: I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville: I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette: I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba: I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart: I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona: I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ferrari Testarossa: I am known to prematurely ejaculate
Ford Fairmont: (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang: I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm: I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker: I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol: I have always said, half a convertible better than no convertible at all
Honda Civic: I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord: I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse: I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6: I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lamborghini Countach: I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car: I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis: (See above)
Mercedes 500SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an auto-graph
Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata: I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen- wheeler
MGB: I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante: I don't know what it means either
Nissan00ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel: I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon: I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM: I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo: I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944: I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2: (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy: I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
Toyota Camry: I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet: I am out of the closet
Volkswagen Jetta GLX: I am hung like a dead horse.
Volkswagon Microbus: I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon: I am frightened of my wife
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