When I looked to Hallmark for a friendship sonnet, The cards I read 'bout made me vomit! Their idea of what a friendship should be Sure doesn't sound like you and me. Like the things that they say true friends should do, I wouldn't do half of that shit for you! Like giving you the shirt right off of my back. That would leave me half naked! So I doubt I'd do that. Or still hanging around if you got ugly and fat. That could ruin my image! So I'm not sure about that. But our friendship's more solid than the ones in those poems. But since they just don't fit us, I've written my own. You can ask me for anything without fear of rejection. There's nothing I won't do. (With a couple exceptions.) As friends we have loyalty. Honesty. Trust. But if you puke on yourself, I ain't cleaning you up! Or if you've got the runs, cuz you're sick in the gut, I'll make chicken soup, but I won't wipe your butt! But I'll tell you when toilet paper's stuck to your shoe. (After letting you drag it a minute or two.) We tell each other if there's snot in our nose, if our fly is wide open, or we've got camel toes. You'd tell me if my clothes make me look like a whore. You'd fart and blame me in the grocery store. I'll tell you it's time to give your mustache a trim. You'll tell me my nose hairs need plucking again. I'll point out your pimple every chance that I get. If I outweigh you an ounce, you won't let me forget. I'll tell you you bore me. You say I make you sick. But "best of friends sweet talk" is all that it is. But, out of all of my friendships that were pretty tight, By far you're the best one I've had in my life! In closing, I'd, like to say these touching words... "Hey Buttface! My ass is way smaller than yours!"
By Melody for Julie