How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your vasectomy.
What do blondes and turtles have in common? Put them on their backs and their screwed.
Why don't you hear rabbits having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
What do lawyers and prostitutes have in common? They both get paid to screw people.
What does Britney Spears have in common with Pepsi? They both have plastic jugs.
What's Bill Clinton's definition of safe sex? When Hilary's out of town!
How do Afghans practice safe sex? They mark the camels that kick!