After dying in a tragic and rather bloody golf cart accident, three men instantaniously arrive at the gates of hell. The devil himself meets them up front. He says "Today, I'm feeling especially generous. I will give you each one chance to escape my domain and live peacefully in heaven." "How is that possible?" says the first man, who graduated from Harvard with high honors. The devil replies "You will each give me a task of your choosing. If I am to complete this task, you must stay with me for eternity. But, if I do not complete your task, you may ascend to the heavens and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates."
The first man decides that he is the smartest, so he will attempt the challenge first. "I want you to count every leaf on every tree and bush and count every blade of grass on the face of the earth and bring me back the answer in one second." The devil smirks, as he knows this will be an easy feat to conquer. He returns in exactly one second with the precise answer, therefore dooming the man to fate in hell.
The second man, although not brilliant, is still educated and decides to take a whack at it. "I want you to count every hair on every person in the world's head and every piece of fur on every animal in the world and bring back the answer in half a second." "Very well then," replies the devil, because he knows he will succeed. He returns in exactly half a second with the specific number, sealing the man in the firey underworld forever.
The last man, a high school drop-out and a rather large idiot, steps up to the plate. He makes a strange, uncalled for farting noise with his mouth, sending spit through the air and onto satan's face. He replies simply and calmly, "Catch that and paint it purple!"