Joke 1~ Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water. "You have two choices of death," says the chief. "We either will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes."
The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this shoots himself. The next man, a warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man. The last man asks for a fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest.
"I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!"
Joke 2~ Your house is so dirty, I had to wipe my feet before I came outside.
Joke 3~ There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
Joke 4~ What is the Difference between 50 cent's house and Saddam Housein's palace?
You WILL find weapons in 50's house.
Joke 5~ You know you drink too much coffee when...
1-Juan Valdez names his mule after you. 2-You chew on your roommate's fingernails. 3-You can jump-start your car without cables. 4-You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize 5-it's not plugged in. 6-You can't remember your second cup. 7-You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. 8-Starbucks has a mortgage on your house. 9-Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia. 10-You don't sweat - you percolate. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.