Chuck Norris II

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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. There is no theory of evolution.Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. When asked cash or credit, Chuck Norris replies with a roundhouse kick to the face and walks out of the store. Chuck Norris paints his walls by throwing people at them. Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris' glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Chuck Norris could kill himself and live. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.


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smiley 6.1 PG13

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 989 times

categories: celebrities, entertainment, people





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by Lee W. 1+ years ago

Chuck Norris still couldn't kick Batman's arse

Reply to Lee W.'s comment
CCM3C_Chuck Norris II

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