There was once a suicidal guy who went to a preacher for help.
The preacher, being a false prophet and knowing little to nothing about the bible, told the man, "Open your bible two times, and whatever it lands on, that's what you do."
The man took his words to heart and opened his bible once. It read, "And Judas hung himself."
The man was starting to get worried so he opened the bible a second time. It read, "Whatever you do, do it quickly."