The following is a skit that I like to use at the comedy club every night. My fans enjoy it, and I hope you do too.
When I go to the store and see Hot Pockets sitting on the shelf im like "Yeah, I guess Ill get these."
Ive never eaten a hot pocket and then afterwards benn like "Hey Im glad I ate that." Im always like "IM GOING TO DIE! I payed for that?!? Did I eat it or rub it on my face?!?!? My back hurts! Owwwww!"
I was reading a box of Hot Pockets lateley and I saw It had a warning printed on the sid. It said - WARNING! YOU JUST BOUGHT HOT POCKETS! HOPE YOUR DRUNK OR HEADING HOME TO A TRAILOR. YOU HILLBILLY ENJOY THE NEXT NASCAR EVENT.
You never see that on a menu at a resturaunt "Lets see... Ill have the caesar salad aaaannnnd the Hot Pocket." "Todays specials are the sea bass which is broiled, and the hot pocket which is cooked in a dirty microwave." "Hello sir, is your hot pocket cold in the middle?" "Yeah its frozen." "Well I can serve it to you boiling lava hot." "Will it burn my mouth?" "It will destroy your mouth! Everything will taste like rubber for a month!" "Ill have the hot pocket."
Hot Pockets really havent been around that long, only like ten years. How did they come up with Hot Pockets? Probably some drunk guy in a conference "Hey I got an idea! How bout we fill a poptart with nasty meat? Cook it in a sleeve thing... You could dunk it in the toilet!"
There is the veggitarien hot pocket for those of us who dont want to eat meat, but would still like diarhia.
It should just come with a roll of toilet paper
Have you ever noticed that theres no dignified way to buy toilet paper? You have to buy it in like a multi pack of 18 rolls. You put it in your cart and every one stares at you like 'Does he live in bathroom? Or does he just live off of Hot Pockets?'
Theres the Lean Pocket now. I dont want to know whats in those. Imagine the directions- REMOVE FROM PACKAGING, PLACE DIRECTLY IN TOILET.
Recently they introduced the breakfast hot pocket, finally! I dont know a better way to start the morning. "Good morning!... your about to call in sick." Now you can eat a Hot Pocket for breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead by dinner.
I do love that jingle. Do you think they worked hard on that song? "Ok what do you have so far Bob?" " Uhh, uhhhh... Hot Pocket?" "Thats good, thats very good. Now what should we run in Mexico?" "Uh... Caliente Pocket?" "Youve got a gift my friend. Dont be afraid to use it."
I saw a commercial for a chicken pot pie Hot Pocket. Now theyre just messing with us. Its not too long before "Hey have you tried the Hot Pocket Hot Pocket? Its a Hot Pocket filled with a Hot Pocket. Tastes just like a Hot Pocket.
Ill just stick my head in the microwave "HOT POCKET!"
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