Cake is the true symbol of gluteny. If you eat a whole pizza, people think 'wow he was hungry'. If you eat a whole cake, people think 'jeeze, he has a problem'.
Its not like drinking. You cant say "Yeah I had 4 pieces of cake last night." why would you say that? "I just want you to know I partied."
You know we try to disguise the fact we're eating cake "Hmmmm I cant have cake right now... Ill have a muffin!" There is no difference between a muffin and cake. A muffin is a bald cupcake!
And pancakes, how did that slide through? "Young man your not having cake for breakfast! Your having fried cake with syrup on top for breakfast."
Cake is a powerful food, it can actually bring people together "Hey its Jim's birthday party in the conference room." "I hate that guy." "Theres cake!" "Well I guess I should say hello." The only thing you think during the birthday song is 'I wonder what kind of cake it is.'
You know pie is kinda like liquid cake, but it cant compete with cake. If theres candles in a cake its a birthday cake, if theres candles in a pie, someones drunk in the kitchen. "Somebody go check on grandma."
You never hear of some hot chick jumping out of a pie. "Im here!" ... "Go take a shower" It's too messy!
Theres so many types of cake too. Theres Rum cake which makes sense because weve all been eating cake and thought 'You know what this needs? Booze!' I mean come on! I dont have time to eat and drink. I only have two hands and one of thems holding a cigarette!
And then theres funnel cake which is basically a giant french fry covered in sugar. Theyre serving that at the Ihop now.
I dont understand why they call it the Ihop, cuz i dont feel like hopping when I leave. It should be called Ibarelymove or Ineedawheelchair.
The worst cake has got to be fruit cake. It just doesnt add up. Fruit-good cake-great fruitcake- nasty crap. You take a bite of it and its like "Was that a skittle? Tasted like a seed. What is this? A treasure map?!?!" I mean what is the recipe for fruitcake? Anything but fruit? The baker was probably cleaning off the counter "Throw all this crap in that cake. Nobody eats this stuff they just mail it to relatives."