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Rafa Benitez sent scouts out around the world looking for a new striker to replace Michael Owen who had gone to Newcastle.

One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on the field he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won.

Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".

"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were robbed and beaten, our house was burgled and torched, and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time!"

With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say mum, except I'm so sorry".

>scroll down

Sorry? exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Liverpool in the first f ** king place! .


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smiley 6.5 PG13

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