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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are some priceless quotes:...

*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word. He knew better*.

*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."*

*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget about it.*

*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan!, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!*

*This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

*While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off", No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.

*I was working in an aquarium, when some new guy who was recently hired was given the task of feeding the fish. He started throwing in friggin peanuts! I walked up to him, looking angry, and said to him, "Damn it! They can't digest that! All they can do is lick your nuts!". Needless to say, I quit.

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smiley 10 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 396,542 times

categories: holidays, vacations insults

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showing 1 - 22 of 22 discussions       sort by: newest

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by lisa l. 1+ years ago

SO INAPROPRIATE but funny

Reply to lisa l.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by Megan E. 1+ years ago

lmao thats so funny!!!!!

Reply to Megan E.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by qwerty y. 1+ years ago

i just feel bad that i cant do anything but click down finger on cathy cs pervetic crap

Reply to qwerty y.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -6 thumb down thumb up
by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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[below viewing threshold, show comment] -6 thumb down thumb up
by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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+2 thumb down thumb up
by Louise B. 1+ years ago

lmao this is the funniest joke i've seen on the whole site :D

Reply to Louise B.'s comment
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by Jacob S. 1+ years ago

These should be rated PG13

Reply to Jacob S.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by Alden H. 1+ years ago

eight inches. I actually saw that clip on a bloopers show. hilarious.

Reply to Alden H.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -12 thumb down thumb up
by jessica d. 1+ years ago

not good

Reply to jessica d.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -3 thumb down thumb up
by Chy'an g. 1+ years ago

numberr 4 is halarious i think my lil sis wud do sumthin lik dat i suree will nt ask her any question lik dat too many times lol

Reply to Chy'an g.'s comment
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by Jade R. 1+ years ago

Lol, ten, i like 4.

Reply to Jade R.'s comment
+3 thumb down thumb up
by nana u. 1+ years ago

hey tis jokes is interesting....enough 2 make me go lol.......!!!!!=) cheers, nana uh lala...

Reply to nana u.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by FunnyFreakOfThe3rdDynasty !. 1+ years ago

how is that PG anyway 10/10

Show 1 replies to this comment

+5 thumb down thumb up
by Victoria K. 1+ years ago

LOL, super funny, made my day!!!

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[below viewing threshold, show comment] -14 thumb down thumb up
by maria d. 1+ years ago

WIN FREE TALK TIME ON YOUR MOBILE IN EVERY 10 MINUTES SO WHY YOU ARE WAITING JUST GO FOR IT… http://www.winwithsearch.com/landingpage.aspx?um=02

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by Eric M. 1+ years ago

So what about that eight inches?

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by jasmine l. 1+ years ago

HAAAHAAA lol funi

Reply to jasmine l.'s comment
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by alexis p. 1+ years ago

LOL thats some of that funneist stuff ive heard, i actually started crying because i was laughing so hard.

Reply to alexis p.'s comment
+4 thumb down thumb up
by Ruta M. 1+ years ago

It's just the sillyness of the English language, that's all. Maybe people should find a new word for "nuts" and "balls" because it clearly causes a lot of trouble ;)

Reply to Ruta M.'s comment
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by Nicole T. 1+ years ago

these are hilarious,the things people DONT mean to say !

Reply to Nicole T.'s comment
[below viewing threshold, show comment] -16 thumb down thumb up
by Samantha A. 1+ years ago

i think this is a repeat!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Reply to Samantha A.'s comment
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by Vanessa H. 1+ years ago

i guess i shouldnt have read this at work i'm holding in the laugh now this was hilarious

Reply to Vanessa H.'s comment
CBUNK_You need a good laugh!

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