Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. - Robin Williams
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet - Robin Williams
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose - Robin Williams
Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are - Robin Williams
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture - Robin Williams
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. - Billy Connolly
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit - Billy Connolly
The report of my death was an exaggeration. - Mark Twain
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Mark Twain
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. - Woody Allen
Being bisexual doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night. - Woody Allen
I can resist everything except temptation. - Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde
Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy Spike Milligan
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Robin Williams
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Death is hereditary
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all." Rodney Dangerfield
"I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls." Groucho Marx
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic." Woody Allen
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." Ken Hammond
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself." Emo Philips.
"Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law." Sholom Aleichem
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'." Charlie Brown.
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." Peter O'Toole.
"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?" Steven Wright.
"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." Bob Rubin
"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git." Alexai Sayle.
"The most terrifying words in the English langauge are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." Ronald Reagan.
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categories: news, politics, government
Depending on which side you are on depends here in America if you call him "President" or "A corrupt politician that is ruining America" which, now that I think about it, most people agree no matter which political party they are with and who has won.