How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.
How do you kill a one-armed blonde in a tree? Wave at her.
There was once a blonde, a red-head, and a brunette. They all planned to jump off a magic mountain. If you jumped off the mountain and said something right before you jumped you would turn into what you said. The red-head jumped off and said "hawk!" and turned into a hawk and flew away. The brunnete said "eagle!" and turned into an eagle and flew away. The blonde did a running jump, but tripped over a rock, she said, "crap!"
A blonde, a red-head, and a brunnete were about to get executed. The red-head went first, the executioner asked, "do you have any final words?" "yes, i want to sa- hurricane!" The executioner was distracted and she got away.
The brunnete was next. The executioner asked her for her final words. "Oh my god, a tornado!" The executioner was distracted and she got away.
The blonde was last. Again, the dumb executioner asked her for her final words. She said, "Fire!!!"