Great to Be a Guy

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Reasons it's great to be a guy:

- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

- Movie nudity is virtually always female.

- A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

- You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

- You can open all your own jars.

- Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

- Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

- When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

- All your orgasms are real.

- You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

- Your last name stays put.

- You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

- Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

- Wedding plans take care of themselves.

- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

- You don't have to shave below your neck.

- None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

- If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

- You can write your name in the snow.

- Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

- Chocolate is just another snack.

- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

- Flowers fix everything.

- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

- Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

- You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

- You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me".

- The world is your urinal.

- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

- One mood, all the time

- You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.

- You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

- Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

- You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

- Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

- You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.

- With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

- You don't mooch off others' desserts.

- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

- The remote control is yours and yours alone.

- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a littlegift.

- Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.

- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

- You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

- You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

- If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

- You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."

- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"

Things that suck about being a guy:

- The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.

- External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.

- Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you're not allowed to cry.

- Ribbed for her pleasure - not yours.

- You have to wear ties.

- You can't flirt your way out of a jam.

- "Women and children first."

- People can tell when you're horny.

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submitted: 1+ years ago

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categories: men, women, relationships

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showing 1 - 3 of 3 discussions       sort by: newest

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by Owen M. 1+ years ago

normally these are full of bs, but I agree with every one here!

Reply to Owen M.'s comment
+4 thumb down thumb up
by elly j. 1+ years ago

i wish i was able to just take my shirt off whenever it gets too hot. one of the few downsides of being a chick.

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+2 thumb down thumb up
by jeania b. 1+ years ago

it was very long...but very educational...it was nice to see a male's point of view

Reply to jeania b.'s comment
CADS_Great to Be a Guy

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