The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name Initial Last Name Password Code Name Latitude Longitude Altitude
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? _F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-117A Stealth _Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month: Day: Year:
4. Serial Number:
5. Please check where this product was purchased: _Received as gift/aid package _Catalog showroom _Sleazy arms broker _Mail order _Discount store _Government surplus _Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: _Heard loud noise, looked up _Store display _CNN _Espionage _Recommended by friend/relative/ally _Political lobbying by manufacturer _Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: _Style/appearance _Kickback/bribe _Recommended by salesperson _Speed/maneuverability _Comfort/convenience _McDonnell Douglas reputation _Advanced Weapons Systems _Price/value _Backroom politics _Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: _North America _Central/South America _Aircraft carrier _Europe _Middle East _Africa _Asia/Far East _Misc. Third World countries _Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: _Color TV _VCR _ICBM _Killer Satellite _CD Player _Air-to-Air Missile _Space Shuttle _Home Computer _Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply: _Democratic _Communist/Socialist _Terrorist _Crazed _Neutral _Dictatorship _Corrupt _Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? _Cash _Personal check _Credit card _Suitcases of cocaine _Oil revenues _Deficit spending _Ransom money _Traveler's check
12. Occupation of Your Spouse: _Homemaker _Sales/marketing _Revolutionary _Clerical _Mercenary _Tyrant _Middle management _Eccentric billionaire _Defense Minister/General _Retired _Student
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: _Golf _Boating/sailing _Sabotage _Running/jogging _Propaganda/disinformation _Destabilization/overthrow _Defaulting on loans _Gardening _Crafts _Black market/smuggling _Collectibles/collections _Watching sports on TV _Wines _Interrogation/torture _Household pets _Crushing rebellions _Espionage/reconnaissance _Fashion clothing _Border disputes _Mutually Assured Destruction
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division P.O. Box 800 St. Louis