The Married Man's Score Card

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(NOTE: a score of "0" means it was expected of him)

Simple Duties ------------ * You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5 * But return with beer: -5 * You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 * You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 * You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 * You pummel it with a six iron: +10 * It's her father: -10

Social Engagements ------------------ * You stay by her side the entire party: 0 * You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2 * Named Tiffany: -4 * Tiffany is a dancer: -6 * Tiffany has implants: -8

Saturday Afternoons ------------------- * You visit her parents: +1 * You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3 * You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 * And the television is off: -6 * You spend the day watching college football in your underwear: -6 * And you didn't even go to college: -10 * And it's not really your underwear: -15

Her Birthday ------------ * You take her out to dinner: 0 * You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1 * Okay, it's a sports bar: -2 * And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3 * It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10 * You give her a gift: 0 * You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10 * You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1 * You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2 * You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30 * You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10 * With her credit card: -30 * And whatever you bought is two sizes too small: -40

Thoughtfulness ---------------------- * You forgot to pick her up at the bus station: -25 * Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35 * And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

A Night Out With Your Pals ---------------------------------------- * You have a few beers: -9 * For every beer after three: -2 again * And miss curfew by an hour: -12 * You get home at 3 a.m.: -20 * You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30 * And not wearing any pants: -40 * Is that a tattoo? -200

A Night Out, Just the Two of You ------------------------------------------------- * You go see a comic: +2 * He's crude and sexist: -2 * You laugh: -5 * You laugh too much: -10 * She's not laughing: -15 * You laugh harder: -25

Driving ---------- * You lose the directions on a trip: -4 * You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10 * You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15 * You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close & personal: -25 * She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

Communication ---------------------- * When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0 * When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5 * You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper: +10 * She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10


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smiley 7.5 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 16,442 times

categories: bar, drinking men, women, relationships





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showing 1 - 1 of 1 discussions       sort by: newest

+1 thumb down thumb up
by Mark S. 1+ years ago

Pretty funny..7/10

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C5YMA_The Married Man's Score Card

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