Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius.
Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.
Why did God put men on earth? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Why don't women have men's brains? Because they don't have penises to put them in.
What do electric trains and breasts have in common? They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.
Why do men masturbate? It's sex with someone they love.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? So he can tell if he is coming or going.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys TWO cases of beer.
What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know, it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
How do you get a man to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
What did God say after creating Adam? I must be able to do better that that.
What did God say after creating Eve? Practice makes perfect.
How are men and parking lots alike? Good ones are always taken, free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They are married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, " why did you make her so dumb?" God says "So she would love you."
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