1. When you pick up the phone say, "Hello." then wait for them to start talking, put on a recorded tone in you voice, and say, "If this is someone calling for Ed or Steve please press one . . . If this is a telemarketer please press two . . . (after you hear a beep sound say)Thank you for calling please leave a message after the click." Then hang up the phone.
2. When you pick up the phone ask who is speaking to you and if it is someone from the other sex start asking about their personal life and continue asking questions like "how are you?" and "how old are you?" and advance to the final question "will you go out with me?"
3. If the telemarketer is from AT&T start asking how much money it will cost in the long run and when they answer say "Do you use AT&T or do you just work there? Huh? Huh? Do yah? Do yah?" and before they can answer say "Yeah that's what I thought!" and hang up.
4. If a kid picks up the phone when the telemarketer calls and they ask to speak to your one of your parents say, "Okay, I will, if you pay me five bucks, oh and by the way I take checks or cash but no credit cards."
5. If a kid picks up the phone when the telemarketer calls and wants to speak with your parent say, "Please hold" and put easy listening music and wait 5 minutes come on again and say, "You will have to hold for 10 more minutes" put the music back on and wait the ten minutes if the telemarketer is still on the other line pick up the phone say, "How do you like it? Huh? Well you waited for nothing because he/she isn't home Ahahahahaha!!! Sucker!!" and hang up.
6. When you pick up the phone put on a foreign accent and ask the telemarketer to repeat every sentence over and over. When that has been done tell them something like (if their trying to sell you a vacuum) "So vhat it is zat you are saying zat you will zuck your pro-duct . . . or vos it dat your product vill zuck you? I am all con-fus-ed hhhmmm. I'll call you back about ze product OK. . Good bye now!"
7. If they call around dinner time say, "Can I have your home phone number so that we can keep talking about your great product." When they answer that they are not allowed to say, "For privacy reasons right . . . how ironic, your invading my privacy, so tell your snobby company to stop calling me or I'll look up all of your phone numbers and call you in the wee hours of the morning!
8. Insist that it is your best friend from college on the other line and start talking about the good times you hade together.
9. When the telemarketer calls put on a gruff voice and say, "I know what you did last summer" or "I know where you live".
10. Go totally berserk and start yelling things that make no sense.