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Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding fifty billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking six-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit. So basically, this message is a big "FUCK YOU!" to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.

If you re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. Send this to fifty of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards about ninety times. I don t fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it s your own unpopularity.

THE THREE BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy s life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goat less Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder, if you don t send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works...pass his on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you!!! I Promise!

Chain Letter Type 3

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all your "so called " friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating cat food.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad gorillas, then thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that s the cleaning lady.

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that s threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it s funny, send it on. Don t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your undies missing tomorrow morning.

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