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Funny Quotes I've Collected

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*Here are some funny quotes I've collected over the school year... Enjoy!*

"If they call it 'tourist season', why can't you shoot 'em?"

"Little people bite my toes after I go to sleep."


"Go to people's funerals, or they won't go to yours."

"This ain't fucking Disneyland-I don't have to be nice!"

"Happiness is like peeing in your pants... everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth."

"Life is like a dick... When it gets hard, fuck it!"

"West to the sea, East to the land, death to the bitch who touches my man!"

"You keyhole-squiggin' motha fucker!"

"Single women can't fart... they don't have an asshole until they're married."

"If a poke is a jab, and an ass is a donkey, then why is a poke in the ass a goose?"

"Women do not sweat, burp, or fart. Therefore, if we do not bitch, we will blow up."

"All I need to know about life I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains."

"Moo... I am the taco cow... hear me roar!"

"What if, instead of hearts, chickens were the universal symbol of love? Then, on Valentine's Day, would we walk up to people and say 'I love you with all my chicken'?"

One a tombstone: "I told you I was sick!"

"Join the Army! Travel to exotic places, distant lands. Meet exciting people, then kill them!"

"The quickest way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his chest, with an axe."

"The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train."

"Blow your mind- smoke gunpowder."

"I have a fear of clowns. I think it goes back to the time when I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad."

"I want to be like Barbie. That bitch has everything."

"What if the hokey-pokey really was what it's all about?"

"I have P.M.S. and a gun. Excuse me, did you want something?"

"MENtal breakdown. MENstruation. MENopause. MENstrual cramps. Ever notice how all these problems start with 'MEN'?"


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Submitted By


smiley 6.4 R

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 3,514 times

categories: men, women, relationships other





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C5FLG_Funny Quotes I've Collected

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