There's this Naval captain, who's just finished a long trek to South America.
He gets off the ship and meets up with another captain. During their conversation, the captain says "You know what really drives me crazy? All that my crew members want to do is masturbate all day. It's really pissing me off."
The other captain says "Hey, I know what you're going through. You know how you can solve this problem? All you need to do is hold contests to see who can fill up an old oil drum with the largest amount of semen. Believe me, after these little games, your men will be too tired of masturbating to even think about doing it."
"Well, that IS a good idea." The captain said. "But what I'm I gonna do with all that semen?"
The other captain thought it over and said "Well, you can do what I did and sell all of it to a candle maker in the area. I've heard the stuff makes some pretty damn good candles."
Well, the captain took the other captain's advice after that. He held his little "contests" and sold all of the semen produced to a local candle maker.
Then, after a few months at sea, the captain returned to the same port, only to be greeted by the angry candle maker.
"You know that material you sold me to make new candles?" he asked. "Yes." the captain answered. "Well I took the candles I made from that material, and sold them to a local convent."
"And?" the captain asked.
"A few weeks later, all of the nuns got pregnant!"