1. Your tapeworm has issued an unconditional surrender.
2. The cat shuns your table scraps in favor of its own vomit.
3. Jack Kevorkian keeps writing asking for recipes.
4. Only similarity between your Mexican cuisine and actual Mexican cuisine is the vomiting and diarrhea.
5. The EPA has opened a branch office in your breakfast nook.
6. You're leftovers don't have an expiration date... they have a half life.
7. After all this time, it turns out recipes are calling for *chicken* eggs.
8. First day in the kitchen your job was "toast the bread". Then you were downgraded to "cut the bread". Now it's simply "stop the bleeding."
9. Lobster? Climbs out of the pot, grabs a cook book and proceeds to beat you with it.
10.Your Chicken a La King is served on a bed of gray hair.
11.The Defence Department has requested your rice pilaf recipe as a repair compound for leaky battleships.
12.Your meals look like the picture on the cover of a magazine Aviation Disaster Weekly.
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