Food for Thought

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"The problem with the designated driver program is it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." --- Jeff Foxworthy

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." --- Bob Ettinger

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: -- -- Duh." --- Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner." ---Lynda Montgomery

"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner." --- Roseanne

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --- Richard Jeni

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --- Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law." --- Jerry Seinfeld

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?" --- Warren Hutcherson

"Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress...But I repeat myself." ---Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." --- A. Whitney Brown

"We have women in the military, but we don't put them in the front lines. We don't know if they can fight or if they can kill. I think they can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler


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smiley 7.6 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

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categories: bar, drinking men, women, relationships news, politics, government other





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by King Funny 1+ years ago

lmao at the last one

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C55QU_Food for Thought

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