An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman all went to the Olympics, but they had forgot to order any tickets in advance. When they got to the ticket office, the lady behind the desk told them that there were no tickets left.
All three were devastated until the Englishman had an idea. He walked over to a car and ripped out the hubcap. He then walked over to the gate and said, "Hi, I'm here for the Discus." "Ok, go along there. The locker rooms are on your right," replied the official.
The Scotsman then walked over to a pole stuck in the ground. He took it out and walked over to the same official and said, "Hi, I'm here for the javelin." "Ok, go along there. The locker rooms are on your right."
Not to be out done the Irishman walked over to a load of barbed wire, and rapped himself up in it. He then walked over and said to the official, "Hi, I'm Paddy and I'm here for the fencing."