Things the Movies Really Teach Us

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3rd base does not feel like apple pie, it feels like vulcanized rubber. This can lead to much pain with continued thrusting.

You can get anywhere with a little luck and a box of chocolates. Hard work, intelligence, its all crap.

If you are a brave heart, shut up now. You'll only get you and your girlfriend killed. Also true for gladiators.

Never, EVER, choose the fish over the boat. Perfect Storms tend to destroy both.

If you find an old book with ancient writing on it, rumored to be the book of the dead, Do Not Open!

If the most experienced, smartest, most powerful jedi you know says no, for goodness sakes, don't do it.

Finally, something good comes from fantasizing about 12 yr old American Beauties. (for all you counting on #1, don't bloody try it. Odds are you will get a 300 pound gay roommate named Bubba)

If your teacher gives you a bad grade, he/she's probably an alien.

Ugly mullet-haired freak gets Brittany Daniel, Moron of the year recipient gets Rachel Leigh Cook. There's hope for me yet!!!


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