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EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.

If your ship hasn't come in...Swim out to it!

Life's too short to dance with ugly men/women.

I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.

Men are proof that women can take a joke.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

"Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy"

ESCHEW OBFUSCATION. (means avoid confusion/over-complication)

LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

WE ARE MICROSOFT. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Few women admit their age, few men act it.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal.

WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Bumper sticker in the year 2100: DISCO STILL SUCKS

I fish! Therefore, I lie.

Nuke the Whales.

I swerve for cats.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

Montana --- At least our cows are sane!

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

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categories: holidays, vacations insults other

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