* People wonder why the world is such a mess. Simple. Only fools have children.
* Always carry an umbrella. After all, better safe than soggy.
* Sanity is the worst form of madness. Me? I'm completely crackers.
* The Four Phases of Life -
1. Being looked after by one's parents 2. Looking after one's children 3. Looking after one's parents 4. Being looked after by one's children
* We are all stupid, only some are stupid in a slightly more intelligent way than others.
* Nutmeg is the spice of life.
* Today is the last day of the last bit of your life.
* The cup isn't half empty. It's completely empty. Hey! Who drunk all my tea?
* They say that love is blind: it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid.
* Life is a terminal disease, and I'm not holding out much hope for a cure.
* No news is good news - unless you're a newspaper.
* Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you. Cry, and the whole world laughs at you.
* An engagement ring is a contradiction in terms: if it's engaged, it *won't* ring.
* It's bad luck to be superstitious.
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