Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus

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Men are from Mars, Women from Venus RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:

You know the book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

English 44A


Creative Writing

Prof. Miller

In class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. And now, the Assignment as submitted by

Rebecca & Gary:

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?", she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu-udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu-udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.




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Submitted By


smiley 10 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 186,859 times

categories: men, women, relationships





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User Comments Add Comment

showing 1 - 25 of 25 discussions       sort by: newest

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by Daniel R. 1+ years ago

I'm glad it had a happy ending.

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by Preston N. 1+ years ago

This is one of the best things on Hilarious 12/10

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by jk n. 1+ years ago

this gt a talent 4 this...

Reply to jk n.'s comment
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by David C. 1+ years ago

I've read this three times now and it still makes me laugh - 10!

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by Andrea R. 1+ years ago


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by Jackie O. 1+ years ago

That is bascially how any conversation between the sexes is. Lol!

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by mariam m. 1+ years ago

i did that once with a guy and i wanted to write about a party but he turned it into something where people got ambushed by aliens and died. in the end, i was so mad i switched it back to my story but he made everyoe die none the less.

Reply to mariam m.'s comment
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by Chris B. 1+ years ago

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Reply to Chris B.'s comment
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by Geofforini 1+ years ago

Joe F. If you're going to laugh at someone for thinking that valium is a sci-fi thing at least have a definition for it that is even close to correct. Valium is a pill which is used as a sedative and relaxant, among other things.

Show 1 replies to this comment

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by Joe F. 1+ years ago

Umm, Dusk, valium is a female pill genius.

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by meredith m. 1+ years ago

lmfao omg thats fucking hilarious!!

Reply to meredith m.'s comment
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by Dusk S. 1+ years ago

A Valium? Is that from some sci-fic movie.

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by Amy M. 1+ years ago


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by jasmine l. 1+ years ago

shitttt this is funni as helll.. haha ROTFLMFAO

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by Skot K. 1+ years ago

I like this Carl Harris fella

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by HoangAn N. 1+ years ago

Jeez way to funny I fell of my chair too but i have tile floor so....

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by bec t. 1+ years ago


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by Siaosi L. 1+ years ago

lol even after all this time its still funny, even if it is incomplete..... Seems complete enough to me oO

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by Giselle D. 1+ years ago

this is the funniest joke i've read on this site! :)

Reply to Giselle D.'s comment
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by Ashlee A. 1+ years ago

Thatss Fuckinn Funny !

Reply to Ashlee A.'s comment
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by zach m. 1+ years ago

haha. how old are they?

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by Duke A. 1+ years ago

We need more people like Gary, don't you think? XD

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by heather g. 1+ years ago

my freshman year of high school i did some thing similar even down to name calling part

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by Filo S. 1+ years ago

That is the funiest thing I have heard ALL DAY!

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by carl l. 1+ years ago

ive read this joke before and imkinda disappointed that its not complete

Show 2 replies to this comment

C4NOQ_Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus

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