More paraphrased slips from Kermit Schafer's hilarious book "Blunderful World of Bloopers" _________________________________________________________________
Burn rubber: Ladies, our shoe store is featuring sneakers that are ideal for street walking.
Figures don't lie: The annual report of the committee states that health conditions aren't all they should be. The city's beaches have an appalling amount of litter and a check of the municipal swimming pool revealed some startling figures.
That's service: You will find many attractive features at a Getaway Inn. Getaway Inns are equipped to perform many functions. So when you're thinking of having your next affair, remember Getaway Inn!
Keeping score: A typical scene of a western movie was being aired showing the good guys huddled around a burning covered wagon shooting frantically at encircling Apaches. At this point, the network superimposed over the action, the following football scores: "Cowboys - 36, Indians - 6"
Promo or porno?: Stay tuned for Charles Dickens' immortal classic "A Sale of Two Titties"....er....."A Tale of Two Cities."
Give her the prize: Our next contestant works for a prominent newspaper. She's the switchblade operator for the Toledo Board....I mean switchboard operator for the Toledo Blade. Sorry, ma'am!
Good view: A woman was arrested after she was discovered running nude through the streets of town. Police have decided to detain her several days for observation.
Bumper crap: The farmers in the valley are pleased to announce that this year there will be an abundance of apples. This is particularly good news because most of the farmers haven't had a good crap in years.
What a sport: We're here on the fifteenth green where the golfers seem to be having trouble with the long putts. However, they are having no trouble dropping their shorts.
How big?: Our first guest is one of the nation's outstanding experts on birds. In addition to several parrots, she boasts of having the largest parateets in captivity.
Send him to the showers: It's raining again and it appears just a matter of minutes before the game is called because of the weather. As the Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher stand on the mound, you can barely see the P.P. on his muddy uniform.
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categories: word fun (puns, riddles)