More paraphrased bloopers gleaned from Kermit Schafer's book "Blunderful World of Bloopers." ________________________________________________________________
Commercial: This special offer is good tomorrow only and will take place at our wholesale whorehouse......I beg your pardon....Our wholesale warehouse.
Ball game: An announcer observing two spectators necking in the bleachers at a baseball game - "Ha, there's two lovers in our stands. He kisses her on the strikes and she kisses him on the balls."
Soap oprea slip: "When Mary said she was leaving me after all these years and taking the children with her, I was just flabberbastard...er...flaggergasted.....faggerbastard!"
From a beauty contest judge: "With all this feminine pulchritude around, you have to grasp for breast....I mean gasp for breath!"
DJ flub: "Let's hear from the Mills Brothers singing 'Be My Wife's Companion"....uh....that should be "Be My Life's Companion."
Emcee: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a maid. I do housework and take care of a large family. Emcee: How large is the family? Woman: Let's see...there are four boys, three girls, one adult and one adultress.
On another show: Emcee: What is the greatest surprise you ever received? Woman: It was the time my husband came home from the army. I awoke one morning to see him standing by my bed with a discharge in his hand.
Appropos sponsor: There's excitement in store tonight as Milk of Magnesia bring you Ann Sheridan in "Women on the Run."
Game show stopper - Question: What do you find on pool tables that you'd also find in men's trousers? The answer should have been "pockets".
Pass the vermin - Men, when you take your girl out for dinner, atmosphere means a lot. You'll find the best German food and the best atmosphere at Otto's Ratcellar....er...Rathskeller.
Campaign qualifications: The candidate who applied seems to be well qualified. He is obviously a man of great intelligence and sound judgement. He is not married.
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categories: word fun (puns, riddles)