1. At every opportunity tell your ISP's staff that you son, daughter, brother or friend is an Internet expert. Therefore your settings must be perfect.
2. When receiving tech support proceed as long as possible without admitting that your operating system is a Mac not a PC.
3. If Tech Support tells you to "hit any key." You say "which one is that?"
4. Press Shift or control or Caps Lock when asked to "hit any key", and than complain that it dosn't work.
5. If your ISP say's "tilde" you say "oh, you mean the squiggly line." This is interchangeable with the @ ( "at" symbol ), call it the "curly A".
6. Instead of saying "URL" pretend URL is a word and pronounce it "Earl."
7. Ask your ISP to install your software then arrive at their office carrying your monitor instead of your CPU.
8. Whenever possible correspond with your ISP through email. I can not stress this enough you must always use UPPER CASE!
9. Make up your own computer terms then act surprised when the ISP staff doesn't understand your terms. Some examples are "modium" (number of modems), "earl" (see above), "Andorra" (as opposed to Eudora) and "the typing thing" (IRC).
10. Use email addresses in place of web site addresses, and then complain that the site doesn't exist.
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