My fellow Americans this is President Bill Clinton. I know in the past I have rewarded those of you who mae generous contributions to my campaign, and just because I'm back in office doesn't mean you should stop writing those checks. The democratic party needs your money, so:
If you contribute $25,000 you get to have coffee at the white house.
$50,000 and you get to have lunch with Vice-president Gore and have your picture taken with me and Hilary.
For $100,000 you can have lunch with Al Gore, take your picture with me, and poke Hilary with a sharp stick.
For $200,000 you can poke Al Gore with a stick, have dinner with me, and French-kiss Hilary.
For $300,000 you can beat Al Gore senseless with an aluminum bat, take a shower with Hilary, and make one prank call to China on the hotline.
For $500,000 you can kill Al Gore with your bare hands, have bondage style sex with me or Hilary, and nuke one small town of your choice as long as it's not in Arkansas, so get those checkbooks ready, and I'll look forward to hearing from you.