Stages of Life

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THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

DRINK Age 17: Beer. Age 25: Vodka. Age 35: Scotch. Age 48: Double scotch. Age 66: Mylanta.

SEDUCTION LINE Age 17: "My parents are away for the weekend." Age 25: "My girlfriend is away for the weekend." Age 35: "My fiancee is away for the weekend." Age 48: "My wife is away for the weekend." Age 66: "My wife is dead."

FAVORITE SPORT Age 17: Sex. Age 25: Sex. Age 35: Sex. Age 48: Channel surfing. Age 66: Napping.

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE Age 17: "Tongue." Age 25: "Breakfast." Age 35: "She didn't set back my therapy." Age 48: "I didn't have to meet her kids." Age 66: "Got home alive."

FAVOURITE FANTASY Age 17: A winning goal after the siren. Age 25: Sex in an airplane. Age 35: Menage a trois. Age 48: Taking over the company. Age 66: Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? Age 17: 25 Age 25: 35 Age 35: 48 Age 48: 66 Age 66: 17

IDEAL DATE Age 17: Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in. Age 25: "Split the cheque before we go back to my place." Age 35: "Just come over." Age 48: "Just come over and cook." Age 66: Sex in the company jet on the way to Las Vegas.

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

DRINK Age 17: Wine Coolers. Age 25: White wine. Age 35: Red wine. Age 48: Dom Perignon. Age 66: Shot of Jack Daniel's with a Napkin chaser.

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES Age 17: "Need to wash my hair." Age 25: "Need to wash and condition my hair." Age 35: "Need to color my hair." Age 48: "Need to have Stefan color my hair." Age 66: "Need to have Stefan color my wig."

FAVORITE SPORT Age 17: Shopping. Age 25: Shopping. Age 35: Shopping. Age 48: Shopping. Age 66: Shopping.

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE Age 17: "McDonalds." Age 25: "Free meal." Age 35: "A diamond." Age 48: "A bigger diamond." Age 66: "Home Alone."

FAVOURITE FANTASY Age 17: Tall, dark and handsome. Age 25: Tall, dark and handsome - with money. Age 35: Tall, dark and handsome - with money and a brain. Age 48: A man with hair. Age 66: A man.

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED Age 17: 17 Age 25: 25 Age 35: 35 Age 48: 48 Age 66: 66

IDEAL DATE Age 17: He offers to pay Age 25: He pays Age 35: He cooks breakfast the next morning Age 48: He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids Age 66: He can chew breakfast

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