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Sex Calorie Counter

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REMOVING CLOTHES

With partner`s consent............................. 12 calories

Without partner`s consent.......................... 187

UNHOOKING BRA

Using two calm hands............................... 7

Using one trembling hand........................... 36

GETTING INTO BED

Lifting partner.................................... 1.5

Dragging partner along floor....................... 16

Using skateboard................................... 3

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS

For normal healthy man............................. 2.5

Losing erection.................................... 14

Searching for it................................... 115

PUTTING ON CONDOM

With erection...................................... 1.5

Without erection................................... 300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM

If the woman who does it is:

Experienced........................................ 6

Inexperienced...................................... 73

If a man does it................................... 650 (Add 5 calories for retrieving it from across the room.)

POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY

Italian: Man on top, woman in kitchen.............. 26

Russian: Woman on bottom, Man getting permission... 55

American: Both on top.............................. 60

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE

Bouncing........................................... 7

Sliding around..................................... 9

Serious skidding................................... 12

Whiplash........................................... 27

ORGASM

Real............................................... 27

Faked.............................................. 160

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE

Expression didn't change........................... 0.5

Orchestra swelled.................................. 6

Birds sang:

Large birds.................................... 7

Small birds.................................... 3

Earth moved........................................ 30

Shoes flew off..................................... 35

PULLING OUT

After orgasm....................................... 0.5

A few moments before orgasm........................ 500

PENIS ENVY

For woman.......................................... 3

For men............................................ 72

GUILT

Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally.............................. 53

You`re enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving................. 2

Sex on your lunch hour............................. 3

Putting it on expense account...................... 20

AGGRAVATION

Partner keeps showing plant........................ 5

Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay 14

Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time......... 10

Partner is taking phone calls...................... 7

Partner is making phone calls...................... 40

GETTING CAUGHT

By partner`s spouse................................ 60

By your spouse..................................... 100

Trying to explain.................................. 55

Trying to remain calm.............................. 100

Leaping out of bed................................. 75

Getting dressed in one motion...................... 500

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smiley 7.2 R

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 14,750 times

categories: sex, sexuality

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