Quotes on Marriage

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"Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage" --Ambrose Bierce

"Out to lunch. Think it over." --Sign on a marriage license bureau door

"One good reason to get married is you'll always have someone to blame when you can't find your keys." --John Louis Anderson

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marraige. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." --Rita Rudner

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing-then they marry him" --Cher

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend A successful woman is one who can find such a man." --Lana Turner

"Gettin' married's like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot." --Minnie Pearl

"Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on. Anything more is trouble." --Albert Brooks

"The wedding is a beautiful thing. I think the idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that Men are all the same, we might as well dress them that way." --Jerry Seinfeld

"Women are more verbal than men. That's why when you see an elderly couple together, it's always the man who has the hearing aid." --Jeff Stilson

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." --Ann Bancroft

"A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it" --Leopold Fetchner

"More husbands would leave home if they knew how to pack their suitcases" --Leopold Fetchner

"There is so little difference between husbands; you might as well keep the first." --Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."--Cindy Garner

"You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a pot belly and a bald spot" --Elayne Boosler

"Adam was lucky. He had no mother-in-law" --Sholem Aleichem

"Be kind to your mother-in-law. Baby sitters are expensive" --Leopold Fetchner

"What is the difference between the average man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home." --Cindy Garner

"The same time that women came up with PMS , men came up with ESPN." --Blake Clarke

"You always nag the one you love" --Bruce Lansky

"I love being married...It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life" --Rita Rudner

"What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday." --Cindy Garner

"Marriage is like a besieged fortress. Everyone outside wants to get in,and everyone inside wants to get out." --Quitard

"While in bed with her husband's best friend, a woman got a phone call That was Sam she said-but don't worry. He won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you." --Susan Savannah

"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her"--Sachna Guitry

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." --Jackie Mason

"Do you know what the rate of literacy is in the U.S.? 86%. Do you know how many married people have committed adultry? 87%. This is the only country in the world that has more cheaters than readers." --Neil Simon

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house." --Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Statistics prove that the leading cause of divorce is marriage" --Bruce Lansky

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret" --Henny Youngman

"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me." --Elayne Boosler


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C3KL_Quotes on Marriage

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