There are three guys sitting at the bar when Jesus walks in. The first guy notices him and says, "Hey, that's Jesus! He's been pretty good to me over my life, and I want to buy him a drink." Jesus accepts. The second guy says, "Yeah, he's helped me out through some tough times, I'll buy him a drink too." Jesus accepts. The third guy says, "Ah, what the hell, give Jesus a drink on me." Jesus accepts.
Jesus walks up to the first guy, places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "I would like to thank you for the drink." All of a sudden the man cries out "Oh my Lord, I can see again!" He takes off his glasses, and sure enough he has 20/20 vision.
Then Jesus walks up to the second man, places his hand on his shoulder and says, "I want to thank you for the drink." The man covers his ears, and cries "Oh my God, I can hear again!"
Jesus walks up to the third man and begins to place his hand on his shoulder when the man shoves Jesus away and says, "Oh no, no, no. Don't touch me, I'm on disability!"