1. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
2. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
3. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
4. I used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead.
5. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
6. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
7. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
8. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
9. If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
10. If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
11. Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
12. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
13. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
14. My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
15. C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
16. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
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